One of the blogs that I follow is written by Gaynor Alder and titled: The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide Gaynor’s ability to piece together words is mind blowing. Here is an exert from a recent post titled: My Name is Bridget
She won’t judge me either. The only judging taking place, is me about myself. I have such high standards (especially about being professional in a work environment), that whenever I let myself go, I am hard on myself and beat myself up with the proverbial stick, as though I just killed Bambi’s mother.
Wow, talk about a great way to express her feelings about judgments. One of the things that has struck me about judgments is that the judgment tends to be about the person. e.g. you get labeled as an idiot instead of someone who does some stupid things every now and again. The judgment is personal instead of being against the behavior and as such understandably tends to upset people.
When we are the one being judged, often we are unaware that we are being judged and therefore we are being denied the opportunity to learn something about ourselves by the person doing the judging.
Then there is when we get to preside over our court and we do the judging. In most cases we carry around the judgment which tends to skew our perceptions which can cause us to miss opportunities because our opinions have been skewed by our judgment. In this case, not only does the person being judged suffer but so do we……
I really try not to judge, sometimes successfully, sometime not so much. When I find myself being judgmental I give myself a mental smack to stop it and remember the behavior and how it makes me feel or impacts the situation. I remember the behavior so that can I share my perspective with the person at a suitable time. If I do not get a chance to share the feedback in a timely fashion, then I let it go. Never to be dredged up again.
Over the year’s, I have had a number of opportunities to share feedback and to have it shared with me. There discussions have been about the behavior and in most cases the feedback was well received. Mainly because it was not personalized and was being shared to help.
Further more, I am happy to report that if I had followed my judgment, I would be three close friends less.